Confessions of a Pastors Wife...

Disclaimer: The opinions stated in this blog are solely mine. I in no way can speak for every pastors wife, only myself and my experiences. I LOVE ministry. I love people. I love trying my best to be what Jesus wants me to be but I fail and sometimes I fail miserably! So keep that in mind if you read past this disclaimer. I'm human. I'm a mom. I have faults... so many faults. But I wouldn't trade one second of my life for anything else. 

I have worked alongside my husband in full-time ministry for over 20 years now. Yes, that must mean I was a tiny child when I got married. :) When I think back over those years of all the things we have been involved in it is actually surreal to think about. Starting out as children's pastors and swearing we would never have children of our own... Hello 7 kids later... youth ministry, associate, starting an inner city church with nothing but our savings,  General Superintendent of a denomination, lead pastoring, and our most recent venture (which we are SO EXCITED about). That's a whole lot of stuff! Along with all of that stuff has been thousands of people that we have had the opportunity to love on and serve in some capacity. Many have become like family to us.  We've packed up and moved our family across the country and back again just praying that it was indeed what God wanted for us and that we weren't causing permanent damage to our kids making them transition...again.  

I think about when we first got married and thought we knew everything about everything in ministry.  When in fact, we didn't know anything at all. Each move we have made has taught us a little bit more. We have loved, we have been angry, we have been hurt, and we have loved some more. For my husband its a bit easier. He's one of those people that "turns the other cheek" really well. Me? its more of a struggle for me. (brutal honesty here) There have been times when I didn't even want to go to church. There are times when I walked in the door of a church and felt extremely alone. There are times I've been mad but put a smile on my face so no one would know. There are times that I have sobbed in the office before going out to worship. There have been times that I have held the hand and cried with a mama who was having to bury her baby. I've tried my best to give good advice when asked and I've often worried about what my place should be and if I would make someone mad by offering to do something in the church.  

Being a pastors wife is a weird job to have. You're technically not hired to do anything but there are certain expectations of you and those expectations change... a lot. Sometimes you don't even know what those expectations are but you try and navigate the waters and not ripple them too much. It can be a state of constant uncertainty. 

It may sound like I'm being negative about being a pastors wife but I assure you that's not the case at all! Its an honor to be married to a man that you get to stand beside and support as he tells the ultimate truth to people day after day. I am his biggest supporter and cheerleader and I pray for him to have peace and rest and say the words that God would have him to say. I pray that his heart is protected from hurtful words that someone might say and I pray that he can be all that God wants him to be. It is an absolute honor to share in the lives of so many people and be entrusted with their hearts. My biggest prayer has always been that I would never be the source of someones hurt. I know I have not always held to that, and for that I am sorry. I guess what I would want someone to hear is that grace is such a gift to a pastors wife or to anyone really.  You have no idea what a call or a text means to her or a hug to say, "I know you're human and I get it!" Or that it's ok to be sad or mad sometimes. To my fellow pastors wives, hang in there. Our village loves us deeply and most would walk through fire for us and we know we would do the same for them. What an amazing gift it is to love and be loved! Life is a gift and what joy it is to walk through it with friends. So make lots of them! Don't hide out in the office until 5 minutes after worship starts (It's ok... I've done it... a lot!) Put on that smile and mean it! We get to share the love of Jesus every single day and that my friend, is what it's all about!!!

xoxoxox