It's Morning and I'm still Weeping...

Psalms 30:5

"Weeping may stay for the night, but JOY comes in the morning."


Today I sat in my church with hundreds of other people mourning the loss of an amazing young lady. Just days away from her 14th birthday, sweet C ultimately beat cancer. I listened to eloquent words about her life, watched beautiful images of her across a screen and marveled at the courageous spirit of this little girl. My heart broke seeing my dear friends shrink under the unbearable weight of grief knowing full well either one of them would gladly take her place. It isn't fair. It's a question of why that will never be answered this side of Heaven. There are no words. My son even said that he had never seen anyone in so much pain. The pain of parents having to say goodbye to their baby girl.


Unfortunately, I know this pain all too well. When we lost our twins, Ava and Emma, I was overwhelmed with the big decisions I had to make in just a short amount of time. I remember the man at the funeral asking me about a coffin and in my mind I was screaming, "THIS IS NOT RIGHT! I SHOULD NOT BE BURYING MY BABIES!" I didn't even let anyone come to their funeral. That today is one of my biggest regrets, but in the moment, I couldn't handle my own grief, much less anyone else's. The scripture in Psalms says that weeping may last for the night but JOY comes in the morning, but what happens when you wake up and the pain of what you lost is still there? What happens when a week, a month or even a year pass by and the joy still hasn't returned?

The Bible tells us that God's ways are not like our ways. His thoughts and even His timing may not be what we consider it to be. So when God tells us that joy comes in the morning, maybe His morning isn't the very next day. Maybe His daylight is when He brings us out of the darkness we are in. The Bible doesn't tell us when morning is but it does tell us that when the morning comes, JOY comes with it.


What can we do when joy doesn't come? It is so important to stay focused on Jesus. When our babies died, I found it hard to trust Him with our other kids. The enemy put thoughts in my head like "Why would He protect your other kids when he wouldn't protect your babies?" It was hard and dark. As hard as it is to keep the faith and pray, do it. Pray like you've never prayed. Sometimes just putting on some worship music and sitting in His presence to listen for His voice is what you need.
Also make sure to not push people away. I wanted to dive into a deep dark hole. I didn't want anyone telling me how sorry they were or that they were in in a better place. I wanted them and I wanted them here with me. People mean well and typically just don't know what to say. They honestly just want you to be ok.

I can't remember the exact moment that the morning came, but it did. I eventually laughed again. I trusted again and even though there is still a huge part of my family missing, I have a hope and trust in Jesus that the day when I meet Him face to face, He is going to have two sweet little girls with Him that have been waiting on us to get there.

This world is full of hurts. It is a fallen world and there is no way around it until Jesus comes. I realized one day that God hasn't given me something that He hasn't gone through Himself. He lost His baby too. I'm praying tonight that if you are still waiting for your morning to come, that it comes quickly. I'm praying that you find what you have been missing so much in everything around you, the wind in the trees, the blooming of flowers, and even the birds singing their songs. I pray that His presence envelopes every part of your being because even in the hurts, God is faithful.