Three years....

October 16 was three years. Sometimes it seems like yesterday and other times i wonder if it really happened. Like it was some horrible dream. But my heart reminds me every october 16 that it was not a dream. And I'm reminded every single time I see a set of twins that my baby girls didn't make it.

I think I remember their birth more vividly than the other five births. I remember the shock of finding out we were having twins. I remember the sheer bliss of discovering they were identical twin girls. I envisioned matching outfits and hair bows and Kelly worried about not knowing who was who!

When the girls were 17 weeks we went to our dr and heard the dreaded words " guys there's a problem". Baby"A", my sweet Ava Joy had passed away. It's a feeling of literally having your heart ripped out. The next few weeks were filled with lots of anxiety, trying to make it to 24 weeks so that baby b would be viable.

I knew that it was happening. I was at work and my side hurt. It felt like I had ran a marathon. I had a dr appointment for that day and I just prayed that my fears weren't confirmed. Unfortunately they were. I didn't cry there. I just laid their numb. Emma Elizabeth had decided to join her sister.

So on October 16 I always remember that I held both of my baby girls. Sweet and tiny and fulfilling their mission way before I was ready for them too.

See you soon precious ones.